Matt Burgy, Head of School

November 8, 2024

Dear Oakridge Family,

I can distinctly remember the change in my child as she progressed through her educational journey. Her excitement to go to school changed drastically throughout the years. Her joy in going to school was evident as early as Pre-K. She loved going to school, and she loved talking about school when she got home. Through her lower school years, she would gleefully jump in the car at the end of her day most days, telling me about all the wonderful things she had done. She occasionally told me about how somebody said something they shouldn’t or did something that she wouldn’t, but those were few and far between. As she approached her Middle School years, those conversations changed. As she entered, the tone in the car was immediately about the drama that ensued, “Ms. So and So said this to us today,” “Mr. Such and such embarrassed me.” I thought, “How in the world could my joyful child now be so upset? Am I sending her to the right school?” I believe this was naturally the next step: searching for another place to see if it was the right fit. 

And then I got some very good advice; instead of asking my daughter, “How was your day?” I asked her, “Can you tell me three good things that happened today?” The change was almost immediate; she quickly rattled off the three best things about her day and rambled on and on about ten more. I would then ask her, “What was the most challenging thing about your day?” This is where I saw the greatest growth in my child…it became less about her and more about her experience with others. She began to see that she was a part of the equation of the challenge, whether it was with a friend or a teacher. 

As parents, we often want to shield our children from these experiences and the challenges that life brings us. Our protective nature comes out, and we see the experience only from the lens of our children. It’s natural to do so; we are wired to protect our children fiercely, and we should. However, we are also responsible for doing more, asking extra questions, and giving generous assumptions that the story we often hear may only be one lens through which we look. We are handcuffing our children when we do this. We are not giving them the skills to work through these problems, and that has an exponential effect on their mental health and well-being. Part of life is learning how to do the things that challenge us, stretch our limits, and learn how to advocate for ourselves. Doing so gives them agency, confidence, and inspiration to seek their full potential.

So, I want to encourage you to try this: ask your child “three good things,” and I’m sure you’ll hear more than that.

Warm regards,
Matt Burgy
Head of School